Life is a funny thing. You think you’re supposed to grow up and know exactly what you want to do with the rest of it. Pick that one thing that you were “meant for,” go to school, do it, and live happily ever after. Yet here I sit, 24 years old, with more college credit hours than a bachelor’s degree requires, yet nothing to show for it. I once thought life was going to be a lot easier than this. What about the people who are good at more than one thing? Or see themselves succeeding in multiple areas? I guess that explains why I sit here, in my little apartment that I wouldn’t even be able to afford without a roommate, writing blogs instead of stressing about what the next week at work will be like and how I’m going to make it to the coveted top of that ladder. Sounds dreadful when you say it like that…I’d almost kill to be there.
I didn’t see this for myself. I thought for sure I would be a successful by-the-book, career-driven individual who just beat that woman down the hall for the anticipated promotion yesterday! Maybe I’d still be here writing, but it’d be in a cluttered house with a baby crying over the daunting pressure of having to go to sleep (life’s tough!). I most definitely did not think I would be sitting here, divorced, eating day-old cold pizza, watching my cat obsessively clean himself, willing the next two weeks to pass by so I can get my next paycheck, and wondering when and how I will ever graduate. No, I can honestly say this is not the life I imagined, but hey, it’s the one I asked for, and I have no qualms with taking that responsibility, as much of a choke in the throat it is to admit. Sure I’m in school, and I hear that’s the best first step; but honestly I don’t even know if I really want to follow the path on which it has me. Healthcare Administration. Granted it is logical for me. Office redundancy and paperwork excite me too much to not consider myself a total nerd – even as I type this, I can’t wait to go back and proofread it! And any profession in the medical field is always a good idea…right? But what about my other dreams? Beauty school would bring me into the field of aesthetics, something I’ve craved for some time now. Heaven forbid I go to a school that doesn’t master in the academic arts.
And then there’s this…writing. I could do it all day. I guess that’s why I’m here now. I’ve always been a great writer. It just comes naturally I suppose. I even had the honor of reading a paper I wrote my third semester in college at a seminar. I still remember hearing my teacher explain the “99” at the top of the piece that I burdened over for months: “It’s just that there wasn’t a thing wrong in the entire paper, but there is no such thing as a perfect paper, so I had to give you a 99.” Perfect. Exactly something a perfectionist with rampant OCD wants to hear. Nonetheless, it was better than anyone else’s, so take the prize I shall!
Of course, if I change my mind now, I will just be in school longer, meaning that pile of student loans will only continue to increase until I’m drowning in debt, and, at this rate, have nothing to show for it. It’s hard knowing what route to take, even my prayers haven’t gotten me there yet. Half of me feels that there must be something wrong with me to still be living like a college student, an “adult in the making,” if you will. The other half of me is telling me to take my time and chase my dreams, just as long as I figure out what they are already! Right now I’m not really sure about anything, except that my roommate is definitely not buying the next round of toilet paper (why did I not go the store today!) as per our apparently understood and unspoken agreement when I signed the lease. It must have been hidden in the same clause that spelled out how she also will not be cleaning the sink that she spills makeup in on a daily basis or empty uneaten food into the trash from her dishes before putting them in the dishwasher (that’s a fun surprise to unload).
And then there’s my cat. He is the only reason I can manage to sit around in this apartment alone for as long as I do. His day is pretty predictable. Most of it includes one of three things: tormenting and/or staring (with impressive patience) at my two birds, and no doubt wondering how he could ever get his little paw into their cage; sitting on his special stool by the window watching all the activity outside with interrupting moments of what I like to call “freak outs” where he rubs on the window with such fervor I think he believes he may actually make it through to catch whatever has caught his eye (an activity he is currently engrossed in); and finally, pouncing on my legs as I go about my business all day in an attempt to get me to chase him. He thinks it’s a game; I think I may actually drop-kick him one of these days, but, hey, “fun” is relative, right? Can’t blame the kid for being a cat; I just wished he realized I wasn’t one! Our relationship is complicated; it’s a healthy balance of lovable cuddles and assassination attempts (especially when I’m sleeping).
So between my job, my cat, and my unforeseeable future, my life is not all that exciting. Don’t get me wrong! I have lots of friends and great memories, but let’s face it, at the end of the day I’m still sitting alone in front of my computer in an attempt to tell people (maybe some of them strangers) about what life looks life from my perspective. All I think is that if I can make my semi-mundane life seem comical or at least entertaining, maybe I can brighten someone’s day who thinks the same thing about theirs. And maybe I won’t lose this passion for writing that has always engulfed my very essence.
So here goes nothing. I’m so curious to see where this new adventure will lead. Maybe together we can figure out this thing we call life, but until then, here’s to “life” according to Dani.
P.s. I’m Dani. 😉